Putting On My Own Oxygen Mask

For 15 years after college, I lived in the same area in California. I built a good network of connections there that gave my life stability and depth. Now, three years into my life in Boulder, I'm still looking for that. As an at-home mom of two young children, I crave adult connection. It gets hard to be really present with my kids if I don't get that. So what works?

I've gone door-to-door in my new neighborhood, sort of like a Welcome Wagon in reverse, meeting people and compiling a neighborhood contact list. I probably know more people in my neighborhood by name than most longer-term residents -- but only a few any better than that. I have hopes that this will progress into regular neighborhood-based social activities or mutual aid like sharing tools or skills. But there's still work to do.

I joined a local church in my denomination (Unitarian Universalist) and have met some folks there. But between having two young kids and my husband not being a church guy, it's been hard to take full advantage of opportunities for connection there. Connections at church are starting to form, but they, too, need work.

So does school. I talk to some of the other parents at my daughter's school, but finding the ones I have much in common with is a slow business.

The one place I felt instantly at home, when I found it, was the monthly spinning/knitting gathering at my local yarn shop. The people there are all different ages and have pretty widely varying lives, but something about their being crafty with fiber seems to bring out common values:

• We crafters seem to value making things more than having them. Many knitters give away most of what they make; it's really the pleasure of creation that keeps us going. This tends to correlate with interests in things like simpler living and slow food, though that's not universal.
  
• We value teaching and learning. People often ask questions when they're having trouble, and there are always people ready to drop what they're doing and help out. Just listening to conversations there, I learn more about the crafts I know and get useful background on those I have yet to learn.
• We know it's important to take time to create. The setting selects for that, of course. Some of us have children or demanding jobs, but we make time for fiber, somewhere between once a month and every day. It feeds us and makes the rest of our lives more doable to take this time for something we love.
  

For me, as a mom, socializing with fiber folk is a form of putting on my own oxygen mask first: making sure I get some down time, some connection, so I have something to give to my kids when they need it. In some families, I think the same idea is expressed, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Amen.

I continue to work on connections at church, school, and in my neighborhood, but I've made the most progress with crafty gatherings. Since December I've been hosting a monthly craft circle at my house on a Saturday morning and serving lunch afterward. My husband, who can see the benefits of these connections for me, takes care of our kids and sometimes others who come with their moms (it's all women so far) while we sit and ply (or spin, or knit, or crochet!) our crafts. I've taught a couple of brand-new knitters at the gatherings.

Our circle is slowly growing, and it's knitting together (oh, but the puns are rich here!) friends from school, extended family, and folks I've met at the local yarn shop gatherings. (I got the owner's blessing to recruit there as long as I don't schedule in conflict with their spin/knit-ins.) I can feel my root system getting deeper and more complex with each monthly circle. The oxygen mask is on, and the air is sweet!